White Boys

From co-editor Asela Lee Kemper: “White Boys” is a satirical poem on how Asian people, especially Filipino folks, are treated by cis white men. This poem allows readers to think about how society views the AAPI community. This is “White Boys” by one of our contributors, Zachary FR Anderson.

Have the bluest

The greenest

eyes

And when they’re brown

all they’ve got to do is make that goofy smile

Or sultry smirk

call me Yoko Ono because that’s how little they’ve got to do

Sometimes they’ll say dumb things

Like how you grandparents’ food doesn’t smell “that bad”

Or that he’s always wanted to be with an Asian

And maybe one time he called you his private panda during sex, but that’s a

memory you’ve pushed deep, deep down until it was out of sight and mind.

Or that it’s funny that you’re not that good at math

Like, whatever, he’s cute, right?

He can rock a pair of boat shoes and cuffed shorts in summer

Or a hoodie a la Zuckerberg in fall

Or an oversized and cuddle-worthy crew neck sweater in winter

Or an impeccably fitted long-sleeved Henley with the sleeves pushed up in spring.

Their cringy jokes will make you laugh harder than you’ve ever laughed

And at the same time, they’ll cuddle with you on the couch

and you’ll rest your head on their chests and watch

Happy Gilmore

and you’ll force a laugh out along with them.

White boys will let you drive their truck

And comment on how good at merging lanes you are

And smoke their weed

And drink their white claw

And they’ll give you the aux because they’re confident that your anxiety will force you to put on The Smiths or Drake.

They’ll show their sensitive side

And let you vent about work

And then they’ll share their trauma with you

Only after your share yours with them

And they’ll punch the wall after talking to their mom on the phone

Get into a fist fight with their dad

And then immediately remind you how hard your parents work

They’ll call couch surfing deconstruction of capitalism

And refer to George Saunders as canon

They’ll remind you Bernie Sanders would have won

And that Kamala Harris was a prosecutor

But only when you talk about how good representation feels

You’ll have long deep talks about the grind and reaching your goals

And ethical coffee sourcing

And about how nudity is feminism

And that you look your best when you’re wearing his hats

And that he could probably beat Henry Golding in a fight

And the films of Richard Linklater–– which he assumes you’re not familiar with

And how they’re cool with gay guys hitting on them

That their queerness somehow cancels out their misogyny

That skateboards aren’t just for kids

That their ex from high school made them a better person

That Mac DeMarco exists

And no matter how much they try to empathize with you, they will always be

White boys.

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Zachary FR Anderson

Chopsticks Alley Pinoy Contributor

Zachary FR Anderson is SoCal born and NorCal raised. He is an Occidentalist, writer, and lover of books. He resides in Sacramento.